Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
