Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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