It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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