She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
