Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
