Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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