so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
