trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ugly people sure do ruin things
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
