i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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