Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
