So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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