Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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