I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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