you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
