i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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