I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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