I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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