Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
