Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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