I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
