i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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