My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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