u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
