I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
