There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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