If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
