I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
