I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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