Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Green mimosas i think yes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
