I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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