when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize