it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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