I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
