You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
