Pants 0. Shit 1.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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