I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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