did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
