What did we do last night that was yellow?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
