Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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