4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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