I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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