how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
