just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
