It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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