Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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