I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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