Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
