do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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