Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
someone owes me an orgasm
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
