Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
