Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
