Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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