I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
