i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
