I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Someone signed my nipple.
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