An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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