Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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