Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
