woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My life is pants optional.
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