I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
