I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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