How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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