she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
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Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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