apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize