hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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