By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
