shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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