Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
