Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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