he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
