My nipple is on Facebook.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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