haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
