I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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