Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
