The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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