im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
