I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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