i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
