i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
