The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
