Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
