i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
