Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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