My Higher Power is John Stamos
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
